Bah! Humbug!

It was a cold November night in Beekman; the wind whistled through the rafters; the smell of hickory wood burning in a freshly cleaned chimney wafted throughout the house. In a small cramped room nestled in the upper southwest attic of the house sat the wise firefighter, Chrome Nozzle, who’d been a firefighter for the past 25 years. Next to him on the table in a chipped, weather-beaten coffee mug labeled “Firemen are always in Heat” was a hot steaming cup of coffee. The Christmas tree in the corner was lit by about 6 or 7 dull bulbs and most of the ornaments had disappeared over the years. Even tho’ it was a rather sad looking tree, it fit perfectly in the musty-smelling attic. Chrome really enjoyed the camaraderie with his fellow firefighters and was the kind of person who always thought of them in the kindest of ways. Still being a believer in Santa, it became his call in history to always hope and pray that Santa would pay his firehouse a visit and drop off some well needed gifts for all of the firefighters there; even if there was no chimney. Besides, he mused, using the front door was a lot easier then getting dirty going down creosote blackened chimneys. He labored over his paper, squinting while he scribbled his yearly screed to Santa……….

Dear Santa,

It’s been a while since I last penned a letter to you groveling for gifts at the firehouse for myself and all my buddies here, cuz we really worked hard this year and we behaved for the most part, well most of us anyhow. I’d like you to consider the following; Please arrange to have the funding made available to remodel our fireman’s room so It won’t look like a cross between a sterile hospital room and a rustic moose hunting lodge minus the head trophies…..I’d love for you to buy a new thermal imaging camera for us...a change of mindset in the way we think so that someday we may form a Volunteer & Exempt Firemen’s Benevolent Association which benefits all the firemen as opposed to a select few…..louder pagers so our deaf members can hear their pagers open up at night and respond to all calls….I’d really love to wake up on Christmas morning and find Beekman’s “Taj Mahal” finished (including the onion domes) …..I’d love for you to send books entitled “The Importance of Volunteering” to all the firefighter/EMT’s; I think this would help them get our ambulance out of the bay once in a while so we don’t look like complete buffoons throughout the county…..while your at it please throw in a new front tooth for Captain Joe, so he can smile without looking like a picket fence… new toilets in the men’s room that don’t clog up when you put a job in them…new seats in 34-67 to replace the one’s broken by our larger sized members…But most importantly Santa, a year where all of our members and their families remain in good health and spirits.
Signed,


Chrome Nozzle,
Firefighter


Happy Holiday’s everyone!
, T