The Crusty Old Firefigther Brings In The New Year

The Crusty Old Firefighter always loves parties, especially New Years Eve parties, since he first joined the fire service so many years ago. “I wonder how this years party will turn out, after all I’m one who volunteered to put it on this time around; can’t believe I agreed to hold it at my home” he thought to himself as he sat on an old metal framed chair sorting though flat wear looking for bent or rusted pieces that might somehow sneak into the pile of freshly washed implements that the guests would be using later that night. “God forbid if Joe Slick, one of the more senior members of the department got a bent fork stuck in his rather extensive dentures and ended up breaking or even worse pulling out the entire saliva-covered mess at the dinner table; boy that’d give the young piss-ants something to jaw-bone about for the next 20 years or so.” He mused “probably good for a few laughs though”. Suddenly, the doorbell rang; or sort of. It was a three-chime affair when new, but now was reduced by age to one and a half chimes when it worked at all. “Come on in” he shouted from the kitchen as he craned his neck around the corner to make sure that friends were entering his musty-smelling house. It was Chrome Nozzle and right behind him Bob Noxious, his favorite EMT, who for once wasn’t carrying his red-colored crash bag slung over his shoulder. “Happy New Year, Bro.” as they both shook hands with the Crusty Old Firefighter. “We came by to drop off some beer and buffalo wings and help you set up; we left the wings on the porch since they’re still frozen and its colder then hell outside so they’ll be fine until you need them later on.” The Crusty Old Firefighter peered at them under his coke-bottle thick glasses. “You guys want some coffee? It’s on the stove, go over and help yourselves; the milk’s out on the counter.” While pouring his coffee, Bob Noxious looked over at his two compatriots and softly mentioned “You guys know that as of tonight at 12 midnight, the town is losing its ambulance service for a new one? I can’t believe they’d actually replace Crocket Ambulance after all they’ve helped us out over all these years!” “Boy, isn’t that the truth”, Chrome intoned. “Every time the town got into jam with one of these low-budgeted ambulance firms, Crocket always jumped into the fray to help the town out and now they’re going to dump them again for another one of these fly-by-night outfits. What’s the name of this new one they want to add? ”He asked inquisitively. “I think their called Transfusion Paramedics; they do a lot of work to the south of us in the city.” Bob replied. “From what I heard, they even overbid Crocket by a few thousand dollars, even so the town signed a contract with them!!” Chrome looked over at Bob, feeling his blood pressure rising. “This is ridiculous! It makes no sense at all; we’ve got a good working relationship with them, they know the district, there here when we need them, they’ve helped us out time after time when we’ve gotten burned by these other services the town signs up with; and what about our good friends, Ed Bagger and Sue Liner? They work so well with us at all the scenes. Something’s not right with this.” Ed Bagger was the regular paramedic assigned and Sue Liner was the EMT who regularly worked with Ed. “Hey easy Bro.” the Crusty Old Firefighter piped up. “There are ways to let the town know in a civil manner that you’re not happy with their selection. Rather then letting your blood pressure skyrocket over this, try sitting down and writing a letter to your representative on the Town Board? And show up at the meeting if they discuss your letter in public; that way you’ll get your feelings on the subject known to them. You never know, if we all sit here and bitch about how bad this is and how bad that is and not contact them to let them know our feelings, they won’t know how you feel about it. At least you know you tried. But to do nothing will accomplish exactly that.” Looking at the Crusty Old Firefighter Chrome replied “You know, your starting to sound like a broken record” “Perhaps” he retorted “But I know from experience that it has worked and maybe this time it will if you give it a shot.” Bob thoughtfully said, “You know, I think you’ve got a good point there; remember the year we went as a group to the Commissioners meeting and made a stand on having an air conditioner installed on the new rescue truck; at first they didn’t think we needed it due to the cost, but after we made rational arguments, they saw it our way and agreed to have air conditioning installed. Who knows? Maybe it might work if we try it.” Chrome walked over to the stove, lifted the lid of the pot that contained the super spicy chili, sniffed it deeply, replaced the lid and said sheepishly, “mmmm, damn good chili. Alright, I think that’s what I’m going to do then. In retrospect that really sounds like something we should try; after all I think we need to make sure the town monitors the service of Transfusion to see if we are getting the bang for the buck. Believe me, you can’t replace experience with a cheaper contract that easily; we’ll just have to see how they do and if we aren’t happy with the service we think we should be getting, then we’ll ask them reconsider our former ambulance service.” The Crusty Old Firefighter, leaned back in his chair, the bulk of his massive frame spilling out over the arms of the chair, farted wetly and smiled at both of his comrades in arms, knowing full well that they’d taken his suggestion seriously. Both Bob and Chrome wrinkled their noses at the offensive odor and moved diplomatically across the room to the cleaner air in the pantry. The Crusty Old Firefighter looked at them quizzically and said, “you know, not for nothing, even thought the Town Board decided to go with another service that some of us wouldn’t have gone with, I’m sure in their hearts they knew the decision they made was in the best interests for the residents of the town, so try not to be too hard on them! Well let’s get this place set up for our New Years Eve Party. The gang from the firehouse will be here shortly.” Bob, holding his nose said “well open up a window first, it reeks in here.”

Bah! Humbug!

It was a cold November night in Beekman; the wind whistled through the rafters; the smell of hickory wood burning in a freshly cleaned chimney wafted throughout the house. In a small cramped room nestled in the upper southwest attic of the house sat the wise firefighter, Chrome Nozzle, who’d been a firefighter for the past 25 years. Next to him on the table in a chipped, weather-beaten coffee mug labeled “Firemen are always in Heat” was a hot steaming cup of coffee. The Christmas tree in the corner was lit by about 6 or 7 dull bulbs and most of the ornaments had disappeared over the years. Even tho’ it was a rather sad looking tree, it fit perfectly in the musty-smelling attic. Chrome really enjoyed the camaraderie with his fellow firefighters and was the kind of person who always thought of them in the kindest of ways. Still being a believer in Santa, it became his call in history to always hope and pray that Santa would pay his firehouse a visit and drop off some well needed gifts for all of the firefighters there; even if there was no chimney. Besides, he mused, using the front door was a lot easier then getting dirty going down creosote blackened chimneys. He labored over his paper, squinting while he scribbled his yearly screed to Santa……….

Dear Santa,

It’s been a while since I last penned a letter to you groveling for gifts at the firehouse for myself and all my buddies here, cuz we really worked hard this year and we behaved for the most part, well most of us anyhow. I’d like you to consider the following; Please arrange to have the funding made available to remodel our fireman’s room so It won’t look like a cross between a sterile hospital room and a rustic moose hunting lodge minus the head trophies…..I’d love for you to buy a new thermal imaging camera for us...a change of mindset in the way we think so that someday we may form a Volunteer & Exempt Firemen’s Benevolent Association which benefits all the firemen as opposed to a select few…..louder pagers so our deaf members can hear their pagers open up at night and respond to all calls….I’d really love to wake up on Christmas morning and find Beekman’s “Taj Mahal” finished (including the onion domes) …..I’d love for you to send books entitled “The Importance of Volunteering” to all the firefighter/EMT’s; I think this would help them get our ambulance out of the bay once in a while so we don’t look like complete buffoons throughout the county…..while your at it please throw in a new front tooth for Captain Joe, so he can smile without looking like a picket fence… new toilets in the men’s room that don’t clog up when you put a job in them…new seats in 34-67 to replace the one’s broken by our larger sized members…But most importantly Santa, a year where all of our members and their families remain in good health and spirits.
Signed,


Chrome Nozzle,
Firefighter


Happy Holiday’s everyone!
, T